Steven is only a year old when his parents are divorced. He does not know his father yet, and from this point on in his life will only see him once each year. This means that when Steven graduates from high school, he will have seen his father only seventeen more times. Steven has just become another statistic of an American divorce.
Every year in America, 50% of marriages fall apart, over one million children watch as their parent’s unions fail, and American people are left wondering why. Is it because of religion, or our lack there of? Perhaps we are simply marrying too young or have premarital cohabitation to blame. Maybe we are reliving the mistakes of our parents, the products of our experiences. Whatever the case may be, one in every two marriages fails. Where do we cast the blame?
One convincing argument is the distance that Americans have put between themselves and God. It is no secret that today’s society is not as spiritual as it was forty years ago, when the American divorce rate was below 35%. Does a correlation equal cause? A common response among polled Americans is yes. It seems to reason that since marriage is a union of two people before God that a close personal relationship with Him would only help to make it last. Statistically this is true, though religious couples also have their problems. Among Christians as a whole, 27% end up divorced, while NonChristians suffer only a 24% divorce rate(pollandquiz.com). It would seem that divorce is also high among religious couples, but obviously is far below the national average of 50%. So, while religion does seem to contribute to the success and failure of the married life, a close and successful relationship with God does not necessarily mean a close and successful relationship with a spouse. Obviously, while religion may be a large factor, it can not be the only factor, or all of the above percentiles would be zero.
Another possible factor is cohabitation. Cohabitation is simply a couple residing together in the same domicile before they are wed. 64% of polled college students agreed that living together as a couple before marriage is a good idea. Couple this with the fact that divorces are 46% more prevalent with couples who lived in the same household before marriage and one has a pretty convincing argument (Popenoe, David).
Cohabitation should improve the odds, right? It seems to be a pretty reasonable assumption. After all, practice makes perfect. Perhaps then there is another factor involved that has some bearing on this particular situation, an “x factor.” The majority of couples engaging in cohabitation are under the age of thirty, so maybe age is that factor.
One American adult (age eighteen and over) out of every four has already been divorced at least once. About one half of marriages in which the bride is twenty-four years old or younger end in separation or divorce within ten years. For brides twenty-five and older only half as many marriages break up(Stanley, Scott). Why is this? Well, from a common and very simple point of view, a person who has not yet reached their adult level of maturity can not uphold a lifelong commitment to another who also has a significant amount of personal developing to do. We are not at the age of twenty the same people we will be at thirty or forty. It stands to reason then that no matter how well we get along with that special someone now, we may very well detest who they become ten or fifteen years from now.
Perhaps the most contributing factor of them all lies in our childhood. Anyone can read in any good psychology book that we are the product of our environment and experiences, at least to some degree. It makes sense then that if we suffer through our parents’ divorce, our chances at a failed marriage increase somewhat. So just how many of us experienced divorce as children? From 1970-1994, the number of divorced Americans did not double or triple, but quadrupled. That leaves a lot of children to suffer for the mistake of their parents, over one million of them per year in fact. Out of all the children in America, half of them will experience a divorce between their parents. Of these, almost half will bear witness again as a second marriage fails. One in ten will see three or more marriages fail. About 40% of children in this country right now are being raised without a father.
So just what effects do our divorces have on our children? According to studies, surveys, and polls, children that experience a divorce lose their virginity at a younger age, are more likely to cohabitate, have a higher divorce rate when they are married, and have less desire to have children than children from successful families. They also are shown to do poorer in post high school education and earn lower annual salaries as adults.
It seems common sense that an event as traumatic as a divorce would have long lasting effects on a child. As young children, we are at our most impressionable and learn everything we can from dear Mom and Dad. When they can not make it work and they fail to fulfill their solemn vows, it makes a lasting impression on the children regardless of whether it is realized or not. It undoubtedly has some bearing on our outlook towards our own future betrothals, and has been shown to cause a negative outlook towards the probable success of our relationships (Stanley, Scott).
There is no question that there are several different factors contributing to America’s ridiculously high divorce rate. When it comes right down to the matter, no singular cause can really be found. While some of the above listed influences may have more bearing than others, they all obviously carry some weight, and no one in particular can be blamed 100%. The causes are too many to all be listed within three or four pages of writing. A 50% divorce rate is a reflection of our modern society. It represents our attitudes, our moral beliefs and convictions (or lack of), and our loss of the values that used to make up the most desirable and attainable aspects of the American dream, a stable and happy family.
Pollandquiz.com. 2002. 08 Feb 2004. , 2002, 08 February 2002
Popenoe, David. “Cohabitation:TheMarriageEnemy.” USA Today.com 28 July 2000. 08 February 2004.
Rainey, Dennis. “Is There Hope for a Lasting Marriage?” Everystudent.com.1998.08 Feb 2004.
Stanley, Scott. Divorcereform.org. 2002. 08 Feb 2004.
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