It is two in the morning. I am coming home from a party on Friday night, and I stop at a stoplight. I am sitting in my 1995 Dodge Avenger. My windows are open and the radio is off. From a distance I hear what sounds like an angry bumblebee. As the sound becomes more intense, I identify it with the lime green Honda CRX pulling alongside me. As I study the APC and carbon fiber stickers, chrome painted hubcaps, and erector set spoiler, I just can’t help but laugh. As the car noisily attempts to speed off, I sit for a moment and think. From the obnoxious exhaust, useless body work, and ridiculous accessories, “pimped” out cars always make me laugh.
Picture a car with a muffler with a radius of four or five inches. It sounds like my 85 year old grandpa coughing up a phlegm ball when its engine is revved. Mufflers are loud and useless. The amusing part about these noisy toys is that they add no actual horsepower, torque or anything to the actual performance of the car. By going to Auto Zone, purchasing a $19 exhaust tip and poking a hole in the muffler, an almost identical effect is achieved. Mufflers are one of the most common “after market” parts being added to cars today. Almost half the cars I see being driven by teens have these obnoxious parts added. Every time I see a car with a muffler I laugh.
Some people think adding half a body kit or tin spoiler to their cars will add to the aerodynamics of the car. Thinking any kind of plastic or aluminum accessory will increase the performance of a vehicle is absurd. To achieve any kind of result from these modifications, the automobile would have to be traveling at speeds well over 100 miles per hour. This is considering that the parts were all present or put on right in the first place. Many of the cars with aftermarket body kits do not even have the whole set on their car. These cars may have only a front bumper or back bumper. Also, numerous cars have no aftermarket parts whatsoever other than a tin spoiler or body kit. It always amuses me to see cars like this. I can’t help but think that the drivers must have no clue what they are doing to take pride in such a joke of a car.
The one thing that irks me the most about “pimped” out cars are the horrific accessories people will add on. Many young people will add tasteless, useless, and gaudy additions to their vehicles. By accessories I mean hubcaps modifications, stickers, and ground effect kits. If a car has hubcaps, it is absurd to even attempt to put anything else on it. Some think that they can avoid this dilemma by adding spinning covers or painting them. Paint is always abused when it comes to cars. Vehicles will be painted terrifying colors. Some will be bright and showy, even when there is nothing worth showing on the car. Others will have different parts of the car different colors. The car may be black and have a gray front bumper or spoiler. Similarly, stickers are often also misused. Generally, stickers are used to imply that a car has certain components or parts. For example, a car may have a Tein sticker indicating the type of springs used to lower the car, or a Greddy sticker suggesting a specific type of Cat-Back exhaust. However, one may decorate their car with endless stickers that declare they have something on their car that they do not. Some cars however will have giant APC stickers across their front or back windshield. APC stands for American Products Company a.k.a. Auto Zone. Anyone who puts an APC sticker on their car is more or less broadcasting to everyone who sees the car that they shop for aftermarket car parts at Auto Zone. One of the worst stickers I have seen is the carbon fiber hood sticker. True racers will invest 200 to 300 dollars to purchase a carbon fiber hood to make their car lighter. Racing posers will spend 20 dollars on a sticker to put over their existing hood. This is a pathetic attempt to impersonate carbon fiber. Another form of sticker abuse is when a car will have huge sticker graphics on the sides and hood of the vehicle. Obviously, adding a sticker does not do anything at all for the actual performance of the car. Another useless addition that adds nothing to the effectiveness of a vehicle is ground effects. Ground effects are in essence neon lights. Not only are ground effects not street legal, but they also are rarely used by people who actually own cars worth respecting. So many of these senseless after market parts are too humorous to even imagine. It always blows me away seeing the things people will do to their car.
Every time I encounter showy cars with obnoxious exhaust, useless body work, and ridiculous accessories, I laugh. So many cars are ruined because of people attempting to make them better by adding the wrong things to them. Tin spoilers, APC stickers, spinning hubcaps, none of these things contribute to the cars performance in any way. So many of the badly “pimped” cars I have seen could have had so much potential. This is why I am always amused when I see them. From the lime green CRX that disrupted my late night peaceful driving, to the Chevy Cavalier with ground effects, all of these cars have one humorous similarity. Every one of these cars are all show no go.
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